There are moments in life where you transcend yourself and your world.

Reality is set aside for a moment or more and you’re drifting –somewhere – in a wide vastness of… ether.

I know this because I’ve been there on various occasions.

Now, sometimes this is blissful, gentle, and empty, like with meditation, and other times you’re in the throes of such engrossing physical pain you’re just… not. there. And by “sometimes” I mean… when you’re giving birth.

At least that was my experience.

Perhaps “transcendance” isn’t even a fair euphemism.

Now that I’m on the other side of it, I’m being all mystical and kungfu-ey about it, but when it was happening to me, it was like I was possessed. I had no choice but to be checked out of reality because I was in such an insane amount of pain.

And, I’m sorry.

I really am. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I can’t report back to you a joyous, dreamy, enchanting experience. I wish I could. But honesty is one of my deepest core values, so I’m telling it to you straight.

I’m only reticent to share this (raw) birth story because I don’t want it to discourage anyone considering a home birth. Let me put it this way – giving birth to a human is inherently an intense experience, so maybe it’s just a rite of passage that we women have to (get to?) go through? Idk.

And though my home birth was hard, I personally think it’s often harder in a hospital, where the “cascade of interventions” can lay siege to unsuspecting moms-to-be and the birth that was hoped for is usurped by percentiles, fear mongering, and what-ifs. (Please watch The Business of Being Born, if you haven’t already, to learn more about this, and also my Pregnancy Q & A video where I discuss home birth in-depth.)

* Is a home birth for everyone? Probably not. In high risk pregnancies, I totally understand someone preferring to be in a hospital setting. 

So would I have another home birth?

Well, I answer this and so much more in this week’s video. (And by “this week” I mean the video that I’m posting this week, because I realize I am a biiiiit behind on my normal posting schedule. Thanks so much for your understanding as I adapt to mom life.)

Let’s jump in…

So there you have it… my beautiful, agonizing, powerful – but truthful – birth story. (My bestie Chloe’s birth story is also super powerful, though different. Watch that here.)

To all the other mothers out there, thanks for the warm welcome into your club. And to my mama friend, Katie – my first postpartum visitor – who looked at me so empathetically when I said, “It was… so hard” with tears streaming down my face – thank you. 

Thanks for being here, reader, and thanks for caring,